Sunday, May 24, 2015

The Brain Scan Needs to Find Something

The last month or so, my migraines have gotten worse.  More frequent.  Longer lasting.  More severe.

The current one?  Today is day six.

I have medication.  A new one as of Friday that’s supposed to keep them from happening as often or as severely.  A less new one that works just well enough to keep me functional, meaning I can deal with normal sound and light without curling up in a ball sobbing, but not necessarily do my job since auctions tend to be significantly louder than typical daily life.

I’ve started losing time.  Not in a “I know I asked and you answered, but what was your answer?” way, but in a “I was talking to one person and planning my response and the next thing I knew I was talking to another person” way.  Each time, as soon as I “woke up”, I knew I’d missed something, with only one exception so far.

My thought processes are getting weird and scary, too.  Like the plan to use the weird scissors to open the can.  One day last week when I was on my way home, I briefly considered running my car into a pole so I wouldn’t have to drive the rest of the way home.  In both of those instances, I was aware that bodily harm was a likely outcome.  It wasn’t the plan in either case, but I also didn’t care.

The hair thing, too, is weird.  I want to cut my hair like some people want to cut their wrists.  It’s not right.

I saw my doctor about my migraines and the lost time on Friday.  It wasn’t until Friday evening, yesterday, and today that all the other stuff really started coming together for me that maybe I should talk to my psychiatrist about squeezing me in ASAP, so I’ll be calling him as soon as offices open Tuesday. 

Anyway, I have a brain scan scheduled for this Friday morning.  I need them to find something.  I know that sounds stupid, because who WANTS to have a tumor or whatever, right?  I just need this to not be all in my head, so to speak.  I need to not be crazy just because I’m crazy.  I need this to be something tangible and fixable and not something I’m going to have to medicate and cope with and subject my family to for the rest of my life, because if these past few days are only the beginning, I just cannot see how I’m going to deal.

That day I almost cut my hair.

My day was going well.  I don’t want to say great, but there were no child-issues, no adult-issues, no petty little tiny issues at all, no big issues at all, you get it.  Then…duh-duh-DUH!  I was trying to make dinner, which should’ve been super easy, since it was tacos and refried beans, but the can opener broke.  I lost it.  I didn’t yell, but there was the slamming of things and the plan to use some weird scissors to finish opening the can, which – quite honestly – could have hurt me.  I really didn’t care.  It was pointed out to me by my husband, which pissed me off, and more slamming ensued.  I cried. 

Seriously.  I cried and was willing to most likely cause myself to need several stitches because a can opener broke.

My husband went to buy another, we ate dinner, and left to visit our friends.  I tried to pull myself out of my funk on the way.

At one point, if I’d had a pair of scissors in the car, I would have cut my hair.

Chopped it.


A major hair cut may not seem like self-mutilation to some, but this is me.  My hair is my favorite feature, and any time I’ve cut it even to mid-back, I’ve hated it for being too short. 

I’m feeling somewhat better now, to an extent, I guess.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

No energy

Allergy shots.  Blood donations.  Stress of sick mom.  Work.  Trying to work out.  Selling Girl Scout cookies.  Netflix marathon.  I have nothing left to give right now.  I am so tired.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

In mourning...

My kindle won't charge anymore.  This is a very sad day.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A Great Book and GoodReads

I won a book giveaway on!  If you love to read and are not signed up with them, get on it - then, sign up for the giveaways of anything that looks interesting to you.  You can't win if you don't enter!

The book I won was For Love or Liberty by Jennifer Hudson Taylor.  I started on it yesterday morning and finished it last night.  I didn't want to put it down!

The book is a Historical Romance set in America in 1813.  The raunchiest sex scene is a kiss, so there's really nothing to offend anyone.  It's also the final of a trilogy, "The MacGregor Legacy," but it definitely stands well alone.

Get your hands on this book - you'll be glad you did!

*This is NOT a sponsored post.  All opinions stated here are my own and not influenced by the origination of the book in question.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Meal Plan Monday 1/26-2/1

Six days in a row!  I'm sorry a couple are pretty pointless, but I'm trying to build a habit here, so please bear with me.  :)

Anyway, what better topic for Monday than a Meal Plan?

Make sure you check out Org Junkie's weekly round up!

Monday - Baked Fried Chicken, steamed broccoli, cooked carrots (raw for the brat)
Tuesday - Spaghetti, garlic bread (spaghetti squash for me)
Wednesday - Honey Chipotle Wings, biscuits, corn, green beans
Thursday - Breakfast
Friday - Meatpies, fruit (breading from here, filling from here)
Saturday - Hoppin' John, Almost No-Knead Bread
Sunday - Salisbury Steak with Caramelized Onion Gravy, mashed potatoes, peas

Saturday - Taquitos
Sunday - Grilled Cheese & Soup

Saturday - Cinnamon Apple Bread
Sunday - Cinnamon Twists

Other Stuff
Baked Potato Soup
Zucchini Chips
Taco Seasoning

Sunday, January 25, 2015

2015 Reading Challenge - My Selections

I found this while reading my subscriptions last night, clicking on suggested posts and what-not.

I read through, went down the list.  I've been meaning to read more - I love to read and feel so much less stressed about life when I read every day, but I really don't "get" to as much I used to.  This will help me fix that problem, right?  Right.

So, this is my list for the challenge.  I'm pretty excited!

a book you've been meaning to read
For Love or Liberty by Jennifer Hudson Taylor

a book published this year
The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

a book in a genre you don't typically read
Minimalist Organization by Julianne P.

a book from your childhood
And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

a book your mom loves
The Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

a book that was originally written in a different language
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larson

a book "everyone" has read but you
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

a book you chose because of the cover
A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin

a book by a favorite author
Dark Witch by Nora Roberts

a book recommended by someone with great taste
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

a book you should have read in high school
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

a book that's currently on the bestseller list
One Night Stand by J. S. Cooper